Your not so regular dose of three unrelated items:
The girls and I made a pact to keep Saturday night low key since we were running a race the following morning (hmmmm so I guess these two items are related, whoops). Low key in our terms generally means "no alcohol;" however, we don't need tasty bevs to enjoy our many hair brained schemes. Saturday's scheme featured a road trip to Markoff's Haunted Forest.
We made the trip in two cars: Buntz and Athanasty leaving from Maryland, and C and myself leaving from the Virginia area. C also invited her coworker, Nics, who was a lovely addition to our travel team, adding snarky commentary whenever appropriate. C, Nics, and I traveled down Rt 66 towards White's Ferry, following GPS's direction to the T. Shortly before reaching White's Ferry, C notices that GPS says we need to take a ferry to reach our final destination. "That can't be right," she says and asks me to call Athanasty to confirm where the other travel team is in relation to Markoff's Forest.
I dial Athanasty and she reveals that they aren't far from Markoff's. I inform her of GPS's demands to take a ferry from White's Ferry, asking her "Do you think that means we actually get on a ferry, or am I missing something?" She responds, "No, I don't think you take an actual ferry and I'm mad you told me this. I think less of you." We laugh off "the ferry dilemma" before hanging up the phone and continuing on our separate routes. Twenty minutes late I phone Athanasty again. "Yea, um, we definitely have to take a ferry. We're waiting in the line now." Both travel teams are pretty surprised that GPS would take our car out the way to cross the Potomac, ferry style. However, an alternate route is out of the question at this point, so C, Nics, and I wait an hour in line to board the ferry and forge the river...much like the Oregon Trail. Because the ferry adventure set my travel team back severely, Buntz and Athanasty were able to go through Markoff's Haunted Forest ahead of us and leave before we even made it inside the venue. In the future, C will make sure to use the feature "avoid ferries" on GPS when traveling.
sexy view of the ferry from the passenger's seat
I would argue that Markoff's Haunted Forest is the most magical place on earth. There were bonfires, hayrides, death leaps (i.e. bungee free falls and zip liners), and rando costumed people creeping up to scare you as you tried to sip your cider without burning your mouth. Some fool dressed as Jack the Ripper snuck up on Nics and lit a lighter in her face which proceeded to burn off all her nose hairs. Recognizing his mistake, and a potential lawsuit, he apologize and politely guided us towards the restroom when we demanded its location.
Markoff's features haunted hayrides and walking trails. The hayrides are family friendly, which means on the terror-meter, they probably range a 5 out of 10 (1 being sissy-lala and 10 being sh*t-yourself scary). We went to Markoff's to get as close to 10 on the terror-meter as possible, so we opted for the walking trails. The trails at Markoff's are literally hiking trails in the middle of the woods that take you on a dark and winding half hour journey. C, Nics, and I immediately clenched each others hands as we passed through the strobe lit entrance. I don't want to ruin the adventure for anyone planning to visit Markoff's but I will say a few things.
1. I am generally not scared by haunted houses, hayrides, castles, etc. because Zsa zsa told me a long time ago (when I was in the fifth grade and damn near shat myself from being terrified at NJ's Haunted Gingerbread Castle) that the way to calm down is to remind yourself that it's fake- because they can't touch you. Her point was that in real life the guy with the chain saw would not hesitate to shred me limb from limb, whereas in these spooky simulations he just taunts me with it for a few seconds before moving on to the next shrieking girl. Unfortunately, this rule did not apply at Markoff's. Every freak in the house ran up and tried to assault the three of us (case in point, Jack the Ripper trying to fry Nics nose earlier in the night). I fell twice trying to move away from a potentially accosting and poor C smacked a tree when Nics hurled her in the way of the psycho clown with the chainsaw. I guess the "no touching rule" does not apply at Markoff's. I have to say I liked it better that way tho. I was mildly frightened at some points which made it worth my dollar.
2. If you are holding someone's hand and they say, "I don't like chainsaws" they probably mean that more seriously than you think. Nics warned me early on that she would become absolutely terrified if some goon ran out with a chainsaw. I tried to ease her by saying that we'd be fine huddling altogether. The three of us locked arms and held hands tightly as we traversed through the forest, C and I taking up the outside with Nics safely sandwiched between us. All hell broke loose at the end of the trail when four masked freaks jumped out at us with chainsaws. Nics, damn near broke my wrist trying to break free to run away. As mentioned earlier, she threw C in the way of one of the chainsaw wielding men before desperately sneaking by him. I was doubled over in laughter and pain, unable to appreciate that actual horror.
3. Big things move faster than you think. We learned this lesson very quickly. We were walking along the dark trail when we approached a seven foot cloaked...thing (for lack of a better word). It looked must like the grim reaper on steroids, with two small glowing red dots for eyes. We approached it with great trepidation, partly because we had not idea what it would do and partly because we assumed the person underneath the costume was on stilts. We didn't want to scare that individual too much. The trail was unstable, which would result in a nasty fall for that employee. Much to our surprise, the seven foot freak broke out in a full out sprint toward us. C yelled bloody murder (I honestly don't think I've ever heard the girl yell that loud). I guess there were no stilts, just a crazy m*therf*cker wearing a seven foot tall costume.
a seven year old wearing a cape face painted this for me
All in all Markoff's was amazing. The company makes great use of the space...I say this as a city girl who is almost immediately frightened at the thought of trees and forests, day or night. I highly recommend it to anyone looking to celebrate the Halloween season.
We returned from our haunted adventure early enough for me to catch some sleep before the race. Unfortunately my attempt to rest was foiled by a late night adventure that required me to lead a search and rescue party for a drunken friend lost somewhere around Georgetown (I'll save this story for a future post after all parties have had time to recover from the incident). Managing only two hours of sleep, I was in no shape to run the 5k the next morning.
But a promise to the girls is a promise. SuziQ, Athanasty, Buntz, and I dragged ourselves out of bed at 7am to head to BCC high school to compete in Ellen's Run. Buntz works for one of the sponsors for this race which brings attention to the need for suicide prevention. I can understand their desire to inform people on the severity of suicidal behavior. After all, it was 50 degrees that morning, and throwing myself under a bus seemed much more pleasant than standing around in shorts waiting for the race to begin (I kid, I kid). To keep warm, the girls and I huddled close until the start of the race, which literally began when some guy with a megaphone yelled "Go!" Not your typical starter's pistol.
fat kids stay warm by huddling together
The race went well. Buntz and SuziQ took off together while Athanasty and I kept a steady pace in the middle of the pack. She was nursing a sore ankle and I was still fighting the end of a long head cold. But injuries and illness aside, we all ran the full 3.1 miles and rewarded ourselves with a giant brunch at Eggspectations in Silver Spring. I have to say that of all of our Sunday Fundays, this was one of the more productive outings we've planned.
After the race I damn near passed out for 15 hours. I slept on and off all day, which utterly defeated any efforts to study for my exam which is, gasp, only two days away now. Luckily for me, Monday was my day off from work so I hit CUA's library to get in some mean crunch time. It was in those few hours I realized how horribly unprepared I feel for this exam. My heart quakes at the thought of Thursday morning, when I will drag myself into the test center's cellar and pour out my reserve of knowledge over the course of 6.5 hours. Eeep. Join me for the binge fest afterwards at Rocket Bar in Chinatown. Things will get messy around 7pm.
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