After my college roommate Spoogy texted me last night about an unwelcomed holler on the streets of NYC, I decided I had to post some Very Helpful Information (VHI if you will) for those gentlemen callers who are oh so desperate to get laid searching for a connection with a lady friend.
I don't think there needs to be a list of "when not to holler" but apparently I am mistaken. For I've found that- every since developing my womanly accents- rule on courting and general conversating go out the window most of the time. So here it is. My VHI: When not to holler.
1. Do not holler at me when you are with your child, esp if that child is still potty training. It's not that I'm judging the fact that you have a child. Rather, several questions come to mind:
a) where's the baby mama?
b) why isn't she with you now
c) etc. etc. relating to baby mama.
But more importantly the number one question I'll consider is "what the eff kind of role model are you to your kid?" Seriously, "Hey baby girl, you looking fine in that skirt" is just not something a little boy should repeat or a little girl should think is okay for attention.
2. Do not holler at my when I'm walking home from the grocery store, arms full of groceries. I really can't imagine what was running through the dude's mind when he called me over to his cadi yesterday. "Hey baby, come here. I just want to talk with you." Riiiiight. Let me put down my fourteen plastic shopping bags (because I didn't have enough canvas ones), fix up my hair and strut on over to your ride with pimped out rims that are more expensive than the car itself. Oh, you have somewhere between 5 and 7 teeth in your mouth. Hmmm, no thanks, I'll think I'll go home before my ice cream sandwiches melt.
3. Do not holler at me after almost hitting me in the pedestrian cross walk. Even if you were a mildly respectable human being, I'd be afraid to get in the car with you fearing that you might run someone over.
4. Do no holler at me in another language. Spanish. French. Swahili. I don't wanna hear it. I even ignore the Poles when they shout at me. Don't think you're an exception to the rule.
5. Don't holler at me when I'm with my parents. Oh my goodness, ladies isn't that the most embarrassing thing? I should probably add "do not holler at my mother when I'm with her" here as well.
Anyway, the list goes on and on....
Girls, I invite your (and boys- cause after today's TMI post, methinks JFo might have something to add here) rules of when NOT to holler.
3 hours ago
6 comments:
There was one time, when I was about 17 I was walking happily along a main road, minding my own business, when a white van full of frat boy-esque types rolled up along side and started hollering the usual stuff about inquiring as to the health of my tits and could they see for themselves. I ignored it totally and kept walking. They got irritated at the lack of response and started hurling insults instead. The traffic light turned red and they had to stop so while they were parked on the intersection, I walked over, broke off their wind shield wiper and walked off like nothing happened. It was beautiful. They hollered lots but not one of them had the balls to get out and come after me.
I hate hollering idiots.
Wow. I love your vegetable guts!
Ha ha. I've posted a couple of similar items before and M definitely has a a few new holler stories every week.
I doubt there are many situations when guys are unreceptive to female advances. You'd have to come up with some sort of contrived situation, like a girl hollering at a guy in CVS while she's holding a giant bag of Valtrex.
Another inappropriate (online) holler situation:
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/mis/1217371239.html
JFo- OMG, the headline of that link slays me alone. Hilarious.
With the parents is definitely the worst. Because somehow I feel guilty, like, Sorry that guy's hitting on me and you have to be reminded that men sometimes like to have sex with me, Dad!
So awkward.
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